12/52

i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go, my dear; 
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling) 

i fear no fate
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true) 
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) 

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart 
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

- e e cummings   |   june, 1952

... this is my favorite poem of all time. it's fitting that i mention it on what is supposedly national poetry day. i've loved it since i first read it in high school and it stopped me dead in my tracks. and as i grow, it takes on new meaning with every road this little life of mine takes. it also goes along so well with my favorite life motto, also by mr. cummings:

"it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."

it truly does. never lose sight of yourself. never lose yourself in anything else aside from your art and your loved ones. and even then, always keep a little bit of yourself just for you. photo from exploring lava tube caves in hawaii, november 2013.

09/52

well, kiddo, today was your due date. and you and i and your papa are in mexico, far, far away, as planned. 

there are days when i wonder if you weren't spared from the heartache and humanitarian crisis that's going to face your generation. and then there are days that i miss you so much it hurts to breathe, and i'm so angry with myself for even thinking that. in the end, no matter all the wishing and thinking, there is no changing the past. but we did get to hold you and say goodbye in september. and we got to hold and say goodbye again today as we set some of your ashes free. i hope you can feel the sun kissing your cheeks, the wind at your shoulders and the water at your heels.  

your papa and i talk about you and think of you on a daily basis. one thing that keeps coming up over and over again is how you've taught us to live fully and love freely. you've taught us that it's okay to feel, even if it's bad feelings, in order to let go of them. but mostly you've taught us both to slow down, look at each other, smile, say I love you, and be present in the moment...