13/52

back in high school i would go on long shoots of abandoned spaces and old industrial warehouses with one of my best friends. ryan and i would go for hours just shooting alongside each other, sometimes not saying a word for long stretches, because once you get to that point in a friendship silence isn't awkward and when you do speak its meaningful. we've been best friends for 18 years, and in that span, we've lived in different cities / states for more than half of it. but what's so amazing about having friends whom you can pick up with right where you left off, is that no matter where you are in life, you know that person will always know the very core of you. i have one other friend who has that same effect. ironically, while ryan is on the west coast, she's clear across on the east coast, and here i am in the heart of it all. 

this shot was from today. it's the interior of another project i'll be working on. and it only took one second of being in that space to unleash a flood of nostalgia. ryan, i'm beyond proud of who you've become, of your amazing business, and i can't wait to watch you figure out parenthood! (for those of you who don't know his company, do yourself a favor and check out www.monikergoods.com asap).

12/52

i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go, my dear; 
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling) 

i fear no fate
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true) 
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) 

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart 
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

- e e cummings   |   june, 1952

... this is my favorite poem of all time. it's fitting that i mention it on what is supposedly national poetry day. i've loved it since i first read it in high school and it stopped me dead in my tracks. and as i grow, it takes on new meaning with every road this little life of mine takes. it also goes along so well with my favorite life motto, also by mr. cummings:

"it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."

it truly does. never lose sight of yourself. never lose yourself in anything else aside from your art and your loved ones. and even then, always keep a little bit of yourself just for you. photo from exploring lava tube caves in hawaii, november 2013.

09/52

well, kiddo, today was your due date. and you and i and your papa are in mexico, far, far away, as planned. 

there are days when i wonder if you weren't spared from the heartache and humanitarian crisis that's going to face your generation. and then there are days that i miss you so much it hurts to breathe, and i'm so angry with myself for even thinking that. in the end, no matter all the wishing and thinking, there is no changing the past. but we did get to hold you and say goodbye in september. and we got to hold and say goodbye again today as we set some of your ashes free. i hope you can feel the sun kissing your cheeks, the wind at your shoulders and the water at your heels.  

your papa and i talk about you and think of you on a daily basis. one thing that keeps coming up over and over again is how you've taught us to live fully and love freely. you've taught us that it's okay to feel, even if it's bad feelings, in order to let go of them. but mostly you've taught us both to slow down, look at each other, smile, say I love you, and be present in the moment...

08/52

my parents woke me up at 6:30 this morning to jointly sing happy birthday to me. i've had tons of similar texts, private messages, and voicemail. paul is spoiling me to a day of great food and boutique shops. and then there's this... it was waiting for me at home when i got there after a morning of meetings and work projects. 
 

34 is starting out with lots of love and warm sentiment. can't wait to see where it goes from here. ya'll sure know how to make a girl feel loved.

07/52

i'm spending part of this valentine's day interviewing my 93 year old grandmother for a project my sisters and i started about five years ago. you see, we have this pipe dream to document our family history and write a book, chronicling the part-autobiographical, part-word-of-mouth people's history of macedonia... full of stories backed by historical facts, photos (of then and now), traditions, customs, recipes and anecdotes. 

step one in preserving this heritage of ours is videotaped interviews with our "baba" and spending good quality time with her while she's with us.

06/52

for most of my life, i have enjoyed photographing my surroundings, urban streetscapes and otherwise spaces often overlooked. there's an amazing beauty to the raw elements around us that i find so intriguing. but, for the past five-and-a-half years, my photography has been centered on portraiture and story telling.

and now i find myself at this crossroads, where i crave the freedom on shooting unexplored and unexpected spaces, but it feeling flat because that human depth is missing.

so i'm starting a retrospective travelogue of my travels in europe from summers of 2006 and 2007. i'm adding stories via ten-year-old memories and old journals to these otherwise silent images. here's to hoping it crosses the line from past trips to future travelogues. 

05/52

i'm a bit embarrassed to say its' taken me this long to make it to the movies and see The Imitation Game, but better late than never. congrats on the amazing film, my dear Graham.  it is people like you who keep rushing onto the next step of creating your life's work that really inspire me and make me want to push myself further.

i'm beyond proud of you.  and i cannot see what you do next.

04/52

coming home late at night after an inspiring Illume Collective meeting, only to find my husband blaring sleater-kinney while making amazing silkscreened art.  this kid amazes me. he's written close to 30 songs [or at least the seedlings for 30 years] and has made a collection of posters and paintings this winter alone.

he lives / breathes / dreams creativity, and puts me to shame.

a typical discussion with him goes a little something like this:  "what is art? the gut wrenching work of figuring out a new way of creating and pushing yourself out of your creative comfort zone? or is it the exhaustive reception of a creative theme, until you feel you have exercised every possibility of creating? does that mean i'm being predictably repetitive? or am i stuck in a rut?" i'm not kidding. this was the first thing he said to me when i picked him up for lunch today.

he's the best thing.

03/52

every year at this time, the sun hits the windows of my office building, and refracts light onto the warehouse across the alley, with big, shiny, golden X's that slowly track the sun's movement over the course of the day. i'd like to think that in noticing and participating in this phenomena, that i'm mapping space and time...

but if you think about it, that's exactly what photographs and photographers do.  we are hoping to control the unattainable by telling a story about here and now.

don't stop telling stories! even if it's by using shiny X's that would've otherwise been unnoticed... because those are the best stories to tell.

02/52

the city is covered in a blanket of snow outside, but my mind is focused on so many upcoming things, it's starting  to feel as fractured as these shadow lines.  tons of meetings on the horizon!

collaborations. installations. shoots. gatherings. new clients. new ventures.

it's going to be a good year.

01/52

i made no resolutions for the new year, but i did take the time to remind myself of the things i truly believe in. i don't think you need a new year to start something new in your life, or to reaffirm your beliefs. at any rate, here they are:

1. be the kindest, most honest and compassionate person you can be to yourself, and the world. 

2. simplify your life and slow down. learn to really listen to yourself and others. i really believe in less is more. 

3. let go. it's not about the "what if's" or the "how it should've been's." focus on being the best "right here, right now" because that's all you've got control over.

4. spend as much time outdoors as possible. preferably in nature. but sometimes the urban context can feel like a jungle too. 

5. prioritize your life in a way that allows you to live it the way you want, and not how others want you to. but do so responsibly and respectful to those you love. 

6. travel. and yes, 30 minute drives for antiquing adventures count as much as a plane ticket to new zealand. 

7. give back to your body and mind. meditate / eat well / reconnect with a friend. 

8. make art. even if you forgot how to. just try. write like you used to every morning. do a 365 photo project. please send out those old undeveloped rolls of film you've been meaning to. get your hands dirty. redefine what art means to you. pull out old projects you've forgotten about. revamp your blog. dust off those old toy cameras.

9. have at least one, great, in-person interaction with a human being, every day. don't allow texting or social media of any kind to substitute for real human interaction.

10. say 'i love you' to those you love every. damn. day. and consider yourself so damn lucky to receive their love back.