i need to learn to relax... that it's ok to have nothing to do. because i just end up adding more to my plate, and making up new chores and things to do. mentally i feel like i'm progressing through life checking off one thing after another. but in reality, it's all just busy work.

i mean, is this busy work? i wake myself up earlier and earlier just to write a bunch of nonsense down? because no one is going to ever read it. and it's just going to sit in a digital world, as some forgotten manuscript from a book never written... because in the end, we all die, and nothing we really do matters. nothing has meaning, long term. it's all for the current psyche and all a bunch of bullshit disguised in the name of progress.